Do you kiss and tell? It’s a besetting sin many of us are tempted to easily slip into when we are with our friends, family or even the public. Having that feeling of conquest, especially the male folks, we readily betray an intimate secret by revealing our romantic adventures to our friends.
Now, let he who is without sin cast the proverbial first stone. Yes! I do it with my girlfriend, I analyse how good a man is, talk about his well-toned body, his badass fore play, how he flips and flaps me in bed. And yes, it’s an interesting topic that we both chuckle to and move past without degrading the guy or make it feel like he’s been “used” only for our sexual pleasure. But, why do guys Kiss and Tell in a defamatory way? There they go telling their hordes of friends about a girl they shared their bed with and even gave sweet compliments to while in the act. They tell their friends how she meant nothing, but added as another trophy won in their sexual conquests of the female folks. Hey! I’m not saying ladies don’t do that too, I’ve read and heard of ladies who told on men they’ve slept with to their friends, just to mock and bruise the men’s ego. Both genders are, of course, guilty.
Moving on and forgiving myself has been the greatest issue for me and coming back to beat myself down, which is a result based on what life throws back at me. In my university days, I was in a kind of relationship with Kazz; smooth relationship, sweet sex spiced with great times, which I find difficult to wipe off my memory. Kazz made it a tradition to always come over to my place for weekends. We’ll cook together, gossip, laugh and he’ll often times watch me leave my bed while I go for my early morning workout and later rock me back to sleep with his sweet pills. Wink!
One afternoon on my way back from campus, I met this calm guy whom I decided to extend good deeds to after someone paid for my fare; so I decided to pay for him, too. After I paid, with nervousness written all over his face, he asked for my contact and I gave him. He introduced himself as Francis and I told him mine too. Where he alighted had me raising a brow of curiosity, which got my instinct to work immediately he told me his department, which was in the same faculty with my Kazz. I decided not to stress it, at least, I have mastered trusting my instinct and asking for clarification when wallowing in assumptions. And my instinct for the hundredth time didn’t fail me when I got to know they were actually friends.
Months down the line, Kazz went for IT. Hold on please, don’t complete the story for me or conclude I moved on with his friend. Although before he went for IT, Francis paid me an innocent visit during which we got to know each other better. I asked for his age, which is usually my first approach when I meet a new guy. I noticed he showed some kind of interest in me but he was younger than I am; so I really didn’t know how or what to feel about that. After the first visitation, he never showed up at my place, neither did our paths cross throughout my course of study in the university. But we had a chat once in a while, especially when one of my sizzling hot pictures caught his attention.
Because there’s nothing going on between Francis and I, I didn’t bother to bring him into my affair or tell him anything personal. Of course, why should I tell him who I was with or screwing, especially when I wasn’t hoping for anything special to happen between us?
Four years down the line, Francis came back into the picture and became so fond of me. He wanted us to start dating. I think I’ve been quite on alert since I knew him and Kazz to be friends. And he’s way younger to even be considered or to believe it can lead to something beautiful. Well, if it looked promising, I could easily look beyond what transpired between me and his homie and build something beautiful.
So, Francis finally confessed he loved me after a few hanging outs, when we returned from NYSC and would like us to be together and there I was, still scared of telling him I’ve had a history with his friend who had turned brother and in which I was still trapped in beautiful memories I shared with Kazz, and I never wanted to neutralise it with his friend. So, that aside, I started posting cute and beautiful pictures of my hanging outs with Francis without thinking that had an effect on Kazz. I smiled the first day he saw my hangout posts with his friend and dropped a casual emoji; I think he couldn’t hold it in anymore when he saw the cutest clip. He dropped a message instantly, “Hey! and I replied hi,’ then he went on to ask what was going on between his friend and I. I gave him a sharp response that nothing was going on between us; that we were just cool friends and he went on to talk about how his friend looked at me in the video he saw. He felt his friend was in love with me, according to him. I stood my ground telling him we were just friends and to be honest, I wasn’t lying about it. Then, I went on and asked him if he had a problem with me dating his friend; he said no, but he would suggest I told Francis about our history. But since I was not expecting anything serious to happen, I was not eager to tell his friend about us. However, later that night we spoke on the phone and I asked him if he had mentioned us to Francis, he said he never did. I told him I don’t feel cool telling his friend about it either and he said a similar issue had gone down between them, where he actually wanted to go out with a babe Francis had had a history with and he told him when he noticed he had interest in her. He concluded he didn’t want history to repeat itself. Now, I had an approach on how to talk to Francis. After a while on the phone with Kazz, we found ourselves talking about those memories we had back in school and fixing a new date to relive the memories, after all, it’s been years.
Same night, I put a call across to Francis to know how he’s doing as a good friend, and I approached him with the scenario Kazz told me about dating someone Francis had had history with and to my surprise, Francis denied that such scenario ever happened between them, and I got the nerves that night! Then I told him back then in school his friend and I used to have a thing and he responded, “I knew about it ever since school days!” What! Something I believed he didn’t know all these years o! Then I asked how he knew; then he narrated how Kazz practically told him about it when he saw my picture on his phone. But Kazz promised he won’t tell Francis about it if I didn’t want to talk about it, not knowing man had already squealed years ago!
I didn’t want to press any further and I told Francis I couldn’t trust him; that definitely his intentions were not pure. He felt bad that night and didn’t check up on me the following day at work like he used to do every morning.
Kiss and tell, to me, feels like a blackmail! You do not have to tell when they don’t ask, except you know a lady or a guy is somebody someone needs to be careful or stay away from.
When we asked a question concerning whether some people have ever been kissed and told on, the reaction was spontaneous and varied. But did many react as victims of this romance game? Below you find the ladies’ and guys’ ‘honest opinion’ about being kissed and told on, and, of course, how they feel when they see their friends with a guy/babe they’ve had a fling or a history of romance with?
HMJY
“Firstly yes, I have been kissed and told on
And I was so angry I confronted the person in question
“If I’m over the guy then we are cool if I am not I will express my displeasure to my friend if the guy was a bad person, if not I will try to be happy for them” Mariam.
“I was kissed and told on. I didn’t feel so betrayed because I always give allowance that people will fumble. I was only sad that I couldn’t report the situation before the person did, because the person kind of put me at the centre of the entire thing. Second time, I was also kissed and told on. The person even added to it and lied against me. I had to fight so much to vindicate myself.”
DERA
“Lol, I don’t even wait around to find if anyone will tell. I somehow already assume no one can be trusted 100%.
“So, when that happens, I already know, ok, this is one of those snitches. If I’m curious enough, I’ll ask them (the snitch) about it.”
MJ
“Yes, I have been in the situation before, I didn’t react. I bottled up my thoughts about the situation and kept it within me.
SM
“No. They were pretty pissed… The anger was not a thing to smile or talk about to the extent of using swear words.
“Yes, but not to someone she might ever meet and I don’t disclose such person’s name. And all those I have kissed and told on, such people and I have no relationship.
“Some see it as a normal thing but I think it’s a breach of friendship; that is if you and your said friend are actually friends. Because I wonder what you would see in someone you know very well your friend had history with. It’s an unacceptable act.”
MAYOWA
“Not that I know off….
“Well kinda sucks, as I believe such should be keep as private and speaking from a guy’s point of view ….no guy would ever detail he’s intimate affairs with a lady he’s truly invested in. With close friend would be *did you hit that? And the answer would be yes and the conversation ends.
“But if it’s just something casual with someone who he isn’t really invested in ….he’s more likely to talk about it in detail with his friends.
“Not explicit.
“In all honesty… genuine happiness for the person. Life is too short to allow someone live rent free in your head or harbour unnecessary resentment.”
BENTLEY
“I’m not sure this happens to guys. I think it happens to babes more because guys see it as a conquest and want to broadcast it.
“Yep! It’s happened to me before. She enjoyed me so much she told a few other babes.
“I liked it. It was awesome; so I was proud my skill was broadcast.
“I don’t think guys mind being told on. Babes on the other hand don’t react so well. A particular babe felt exposed and extremely disappointed in the guy. They couldn’t really stay as friends. Yes! ỌMỌ!!!!!!! For the one I had feelings for…..only one other pain had ever hurt me more. It hurts so badly.”
SAMUUU
“I can’t say, really. I haven’t experienced this.
“A friend was livid because they always want their affairs discreet. Others were indifferent because after all, both parties were involved.
“Nah….I feel it’s not mature to do that.
“A part of me might be jealous. It’s also dependent on the kind of relationship I had with the person.”
BG4L
“Happened to a friend, and really it wasn’t much of a big deal. I mean it’s expected as most of “our guys” now don’t know how to seal up their mouths. Lol, you barely find a guy that doesn’t kiss and tell, especially to his fellow “gang”.
“But if you do, please, hold him tightly, dear.
“Why should my friend be with someone I’ve had history with in the first place?
“If such a thing happens, then you’re not my friend… PERIOD!”
Dreadman
“I remember I used to have a 40leaves exercise book during my university days where I write names of ladies have had a history with, often times I just flipped through whenever I’m bored and bragging to my friends about the list is a guy thing. The act back then is to show off one is up to standard as a man, but I burnt the book after my uni days.”