Friends With Benefits (FWB)

Who ruins the relationship?

Angie wants fun and everything ‘sexual healing’. She became fortunate to meet one of the hottest dudes on the street of Lagos, in one of those big clubs. They both lay their cards straight on the table; I don’t want a title and I don’t do well with sense of entitlement. I dig fun and respect and that’s it. Chris, who was not also a fan of labels, replied, “You just hit a jackpot; I’m down for you mademoiselle!”

Friends with benefits have served as an umbrella for ladies and guys who are trying to be protective of their hearts and emotional cum mental state. Have you watched a movie about it or seen an acronym FWB and you keep wondering what it means? The idea, and the meaning behind having an FWB relationship is like this: you’re friends with someone from the opposite sex, you are both single but not ready to mingle and you both feel the need for sex; as they say, ‘body no be firewood’. So you decide to go intimate sexually with each other to start an FWB relationship. In doing so, both of your needs are fulfilled without having to deal with all the drama that comes with dating.

But afterward, feelings tend to sink under the sea because you both stress just the sex. One of them starts developing feelings while the other is still respecting the rules of FWB, with zero strings attached. Then the one who starts to develop feelings begins to act up some behaviours; like, jealousy starts to show.

Starting a relationship that is strictly based on FWB, both parties need to understand the rules of the game, in which one of them is not coming up with demands but you have the right to decide how you want to be treated.

Also, be aware your partner has the right to be with another person while you are still together. You don’t decide what they do with their time or who they hang out with. FWB usually starts with so much fun before it all gets shaky. A lot of reasons set in and get the boat of FWB sink before the eyes of the two parties. Below are some of the reasons:

Lack of respect: sometimes the guy or the lady gets carried away with what they signed up for and mostly tend to lose respect for each other by seeing each other as a sex tool. You sometimes hear phrases like “she’s just my booty call” or “he’s nothing please, he only oils my engine”. In as much as it’s just a sexual relationship, respect is important and shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Overthinking: this is another factor to watch out for before getting started. Are you ready to dance to the tune of the game without overthinking it at some point; whether the other person is taking advantage of you in the relationship, or not? The moment you start dwelling on some thoughts, that marks the beginning of the stress you are trying to avoid.

Jealousy: Jealousy begets overthinking, overthinking in turn gives birth to disrespect and then, jealousy, which ruins the game. You start questioning your partner’s moves which are literally not supposed to be your business. Whatever it is, as soon as jealousy sets in, a lot of factors become visible. ‘Oh, she’s over-demanding; ‘Oh he/she nags a lot’. In this state, the other partner feels you have started demanding too much.

Catching Feelings: this is what ruins the agreement; it is supposed to be a no strings attached relationship. It is supposed to be friends, but having sex. So feelings are a ‘no, no’ and should not be entertained because that would serve as the beginning of the end of that steaming sex you both have been getting from each other.

One person will usually call it quits or ruin the fun, and wreck the ship of the relationship in which both parties have to come to a conclusion of going separate ways. Some actually end happily ever after where the two falls in love and agree to try an actual love relationship; but not in all cases like we see in a movie. In reality, some become frenemies, where they start to avoid and stop talking to each other. It’s always advisable to end the relationship before one of them catches the heart virus so as to keep the friendship but without the sugar.

Here are some answers on the streets, on the question: Who ruins the FWB? The man or the woman?

Vic: “The woman. There will come a time when a woman will start feeling entitled and will want something more than the benefits. I mean, it’s not possible to be having sex with someone day-in-day-out and there won’t be a time that there will be some kind of emotional connection. And a woman tends to get more emotional than a man.”

Timi: “I think the reason most FWB relationships’ end is quite obvious. One or both parties wanting ‘more’ from the relationship. That, I believe, is usually the most common reason FWB relationships get ruined, going back on previous arrangement/agreement by developing ‘feelings’.”

Icanownthemoon: “It depends. Could be anyone. To me, friends with benefit is just some shits people drag themselves into, because it just leads to heartbreak and one person would be really hurt. Most times, the woman. Women tend to develop deeper feelings for the other person and later they feel used. So back to your question, in most cases, ‘Na the woman’.”

Ruthie: “In most cases, it’s usually the girls because most of them end up catching feelings, especially if the D is so good. Who will want to leave a good D? Lol, we are wired to be emotional and usually fall for a man that treats you well emotionally and FINANCIALLY. But guys? Hmmm, they keep with the flow and stick to the plan. Some guys catch feelings too sha”

Kush: “The woman in 99.9% cases. They tend to catch feelings and everything scatters. Hard to see a guy doing that. Though it happens but very rare cases.”

Stephen: “The party that goes out of the statement agreement ruins friends with benefits. Sometimes it’s the man and other times, it’s the woman.”

Khalif: “Both depend. The emotional part of the relationship is the issue. No string is just a notion or idea of we ain’t getting attached to anything; but the emotion will set in from either of the genders: jealousy, which leads to lack of trust, eventually.”

Jenny: “woman, mostly; because she might be catching feelings. But on the other hand, the guy can also spoil it if he starts taking the babe for granted and the benefits in quote stops rolling in.”