As you know, one of the best places to get juicy gossip is the salon. Women who have one thing in common- to get their hair beautifully done, usually start with compliments and hairstyles suggestions before diving into the pool of gossip.
I usually just nod and smile most times or plug in my headphones when the gossip isn’t too interesting.
The afternoon I met these two beautiful women in their early thirties was different. I was minding my business as usual, chatting away on WhatsApp when they started talking about the wickedness of Nigerian men. And that is absolutely one topic I always want to listen to cause I’ve also had my share of their wickedness. One of them, who was the main speaker, narrated how she met a man on social media, he was in Abuja while she was in Lagos.
“He was a smooth talker, patient and a very attractive man,” she said. Initially, she wanted to be just friends because she was emotionally unavailable and was going through depression at that time. They got talking and she saw him as someone she could share her secrets, scars, insecurities and pains with. She said he literally knew all of her. She bared her heart to him and even told him she wasn’t ready for a relationship.
As they kept talking, he encouraged her to see more of life and give love another chance, he was almost like her therapist, a very good listener. He started to call her sweet names and always complimented her, they started sharing pictures and videos including intimate ones and it didn’t take her too much time to let her guard down.
“I didn’t know how he pulled it off, our communication was steady even with video calls and I never for once guessed he was married,” she said and we all gasped. The salon went quiet like a graveyard and even the hairdresser had left the hair she was plaiting.
I was hurt when she said she went into major depression as her situation became suicidal when she found that he was married. This was the same man that wanted to marry her in the most beautiful way and have babies with her. He had painted a beautiful picture for her even. Her friend rained curses on him and she just smiled and cautioned her not to, saying she had gotten over it. That’s how sweet she was.
Why do men lead these vulnerable women on? Because personally, I have no answer(s) for this question. A woman who has been through so much, who has been depressed and insecured about herself finds a man that gives her rainbows and butterflies in her stomach and then gets to know he belongs to another; it can actually be suicidal if she’s not strong enough. Why give her the hope of marriage and babies when you have no intentions of being with her?. They have to be either wicked or selfishness, most especially the married ones like the one in the story. He was married, he probably had a beautiful cool-headed woman at home but wanted more.
He probably wanted to have that feeling of being a bachelor again, being flirty and practicing his A game he felt might have been buried when he got married but to what end? At the end, he still has a bosom to lay his head on and a warm body to cuddle to sleep every night while the deceived woman suffers and is left with an option to stay away from men and their web of lies.
When asked why some men lead vulnerable women on, only to crash their hope and world, these were some of the responses I got.
“When you say Vulnerable ladies, I will take that as ladies who are desperate to get married because they are getting to late 30s, ladies living with disabilities or ladies who do not have the features that qualifies one as a “Hot” lady.
Now,the reason why men do this is to drain them financially and sexually.
Such men believe a vulnerable lady will agree to their proposal. And that not only will she ease their sexual urge, they still get to collect some cool cash from her.” Victor.
“Psychological egocentrism in other words, selfish interest.” Segun.
“Men don’t ‘lead’ women on no more, anything you ‘feel’ a man did to you. You allowed it, ain’t no manipulation or leading on, YOU ALLOWED IT. But let me give you the typical Nigerian answer, why won’t I exploit something I got for free? “ Adelola.
“Some men do this because they’ve also been hurt before. Some indulge in this act because they believe no woman is to be trusted” Chuks.
“Sometimes, it’s just sheer horniness and selfishness. Other times, it’s deeper than that. It could be a reflection of a bigger issue even on the side of the guy. Maybe esteem issues.
Then sometimes, less common than others, it could be that the guy is ‘fetish’. You’d be amazed at what turns people on or gets them off.
Side note: fetish is something (inanimate or situation) not related to sex but turns someone on. You most likely have too. if you don’t know yet, keep searching 😉.” Nerd.
“Hmmm well not all men though. If I meet a woman today I will tell her I have a babe but I appreciate her beauty. If we are lucky enough to bed we bed each other. Most men lead vulnerable women on because they want to bed them and they forget to be plain with them. Sorry to say, women are the cheapest commodity in the world now.
Giving her false hope is what I don’t vote for. Make it intentional all your motives do not toil on their feelings if it’s sex you want tell her and If it’s friendship tell her but most men want something more though” Crail.
“It’s just plain ‘wickedness’. The man wants to take advantage/exploit the women’s situation. It’s just being selfish” Victor
“Men and women play games. Women like to feel attractive, which is what they want. Then men make them feel attractive to get sex, which is what they want. The way the world is going and defining things I would think men should start learning to just stay away from women.Have your wife and stay away from women!
To be honest I feel kinda nauseous when I hear things like men take advantage of vulnerable women. Truth is women are fragile and society from the beginning of time has always made their words have more weight than men in sexual matters. Women need to learn to own up to their own excesses too and their own wants, they always prefer to take the emotional route of discrediting men ” (sic). Debodee.
I don’t think it’s a ‘men’ problem, I think it’s a human problem.
human beings are naturally selfish, self centred, and they like using people. And the easiest people to use are vulnerable ones. Josh.
Regarding this, I would love to correct you on the fact that not all men act in this regard. And likewise, this happens with both genders. Irrespective of if it’s a male or a female. But I guess most of our immediate encounters have highlighted women as victims. For a fact we all are humans, and it’s kinda encoded in our genes the ability to prey and take advantage of things, situations and people if need be. Emmmanuel.
It is really not right for men to play games at the expense of a lady’s mental health. Yes, women may be fragile, some always fall for what they hear and some love to be lied to. However, why shouldn’t men, for integrity’s sake, avoid making gullible women a victim of what the society already perceived women to be.