Do you ever wonder why a guy or a lady (relationship red flag) who has been all over you suddenly start giving you the cold shoulder and nothing about you excite him/her anymore? You might have been confused, angry and even heartbroken about why someone, who once longed for your presence stopped returning calls, fixes another date or give excuses for not reaching out.
Excuses! Yes, that’s the first tool they bring out of their ghosting box; it’s either they are very busy or too tired to return calls when they see your missed calls or voice mail. And when you eventually get to talk to them on the phone? Suddenly, their fish needs to be fed or their fridge starts to make funny noises and they needed to get off the phone to check. Oh well!
Truth be told, when ladies get certain excuses from men, the ones with good instinct might start to put 1+1 together to get a good even number and know whether it’s time to move on or ask certain questions for clarity. Meanwhile, for a guy, a certain babe who usually brags about you and does not take two secs to pick your call now sees your 99 missed calls and not return any. Already she has someone else she’s busy returning their calls and I think, most times, guys suck it up better and move on, embracing their ‘L’ quietly.
But in cases where the affection is real, instead of just ghosting on their partners. Both partners should have a mature conversation with their partners, pointing out those things they might have been doing that could have resulted in their ghosting. If the partner chooses to adjust, ‘ye and amen’ to the relationship but if the partner is one suffering from self-defence, then, know that the relationship would be sinking faster than the Titanic.
Often, the reasons many relationships hit the rocks is because of turn-offs that can be corrected.
We all have our turnoffs in the opposite sex which we cannot be judged for. We are humans after all and our displeasure of somethings comes out to play from time to time.
Turnoffs can ruin a relationship faster than cheating, cause once you start to notice disgusting behaviour about your partner, they become less and less attractive until the disgust becomes the only thing you see.
Like I wrote earlier, some people might point out one of the characters their partners have been exhibiting which is a total turnoff for them. But most times, a lot of people just disappear.
Earlier this week, I asked people what their turnoffs in the opposite sex are and below are some of the answers I got:
“When a girl tends to be dirty, untidy, unkempt and have little or no regard for how she looks or appears talks too much and don’t know when to keep quiet is a huge turn off for me.”
“Well, my turn off in a lady are not so many but I think are something relatable. Firstly, a dirty lady is a no-no, ladies are supposed to be neat in and out. Secondly, a lady who complains of virtually everything is a great turn off, with such a lady you definitely wouldn’t be yourself. The unromantic lady is a great turnoff, like why won’t you be romantic, let’s play and let’s explore.”
“The way they speak, things that come out of their mouth, a guy that brags about his achievements, men that gives conditions/rules, not paying attention to details, always speaking with big vocabularies, when a guy shows off, acts proud and displays dishonesty towards ladies, being selfish, treating me like a cheap commodity without a show of value and when a man has no ambition, lack awareness and act like he knows it all.”
“Body odour is the first thing that came to my mind, terrible makeup, stupid dress code, especially underwear.”
Unhygienic and dirtiness.
“Not being straightforward, cheating, low IQ, zero dreams and vision, just living life, everything goes.”
“I hate a lady whose body stinks and has mouth odour, having too much make up every day, always wear revealing clothes, looking unkempt with her hair and the back of her feet are not clean most times, talks too much, tattoos on any part of her body, and also acts as a nitwit.”
“Guys with patriarchy mentality, gosh! Men like that are total turn off for me.”
“I have three things that turn me off in a girl. The first is eyelashes, especially eyelashes that make ladies look like the younger sister of an owl. I feel eyelashes should be banned.
“Another turn off is when she talks about her ex; his perfections and imperfections. It makes me feel insecure because I’d feel like competing against the innocent guy and this would make me hate him. The solution to this is for you to leave your ex out of our conversations.
“The last is the fingernails, how on earth would your fingers be looking like a vulture’s beak? O wrong now.”
“Old fashion men that are so backward in everything and not ready to level up. They are the ones that will tell you, ahh this’s how you should do it and won’t be ready to try a new way of doing things.”
What are your turnoffs? This should be one of the major questions that need to be asked on the first date, you know! Just to avoid stories that touch later. When you both discuss your turnoffs before kicking off the relationship, it helps in adjusting, especially when you know you do some of the things your partner had just mentioned. To be forewarned is to be forearmed they say. And if after getting in the relationship, you find out your partner has some of your turnoff traits, call him or her to order in love and let them know how much the relationship means to you and how if they don’t adjust or stop the behaviour can make you lose interest or drive you away.
Turnoffs are big deals but they are not what cannot be discussed and corrected.