Dating used to be about connection shared dreams, laughter over suya and soft drinks.
Now, for many young Nigerians, it feels more like a transaction.
More women now say they can’t date a man unless he already has it all car, apartment, steady income, and a lifestyle that shows stability.
This shift is changing how love is pursued, accepted, and rejected.
What once felt natural now feels strategic.
For many men, its frustrating, for many women on the other hand, its protection.
Somewhere between rising standards and growing resentment, the idea of starting life together is fading.
It starts like a joke a group of girls chatting in a Lagos lounge.
One casually says, “Me I can’t date any man that doesn’t have a car oh.”
Laughter follows. Some nod. Some stay silent. But the message is clear if he is not financially made, he is out.
This mindset reflects a growing trend. More women now want to skip the “build with him” phase and go straight into relationships that look ready-made.
The man must have a car, an apartment, stable cash flow, and a lifestyle that looks good online and offline.
But beneath this loud chorus is silent frustration from men who are trying.
Men who are grinding, who may not have it all yet, but still believe love should be enough to start small.
Okikiola, 30-year-old, works as a contract staff in a bank, and has a rented self-contained apartment in Ojodu.
He recently ended things with a girl he really liked just because of this same car issue.
“She asked if I had a car. I told her no, but I was saving. Her mood changed immediately. She stopped calling after that and I didn’t even bother to call her too”.
It wasn’t the rejection that hurt it was the assumption. That not owning a car made him less of a man.
Across Lagos, Abuja, and Port Harcourt, similar stories is repeated.
If you are not driving, don’t bother trying.
Love now comes with packaging leather seats, tinted windows, and data bundles.
Yet, many women pushing this standard grew up in homes where their fathers didn’t drive.
Their mothers chose love with faith, not Ferraris.
So what changed? Some blame social media.
Daily doses of baecations, fine dining, and curated “soft life”posts have raised expectations.
Many young women now talk like CEOs’ wives(Oga wife) even if they are still figuring things out.
But there is more to it, which is fear.
This is because many women watched their mothers struggle.
They don’t want to suffer and also don’t want to pour into someone and end up empty.
So they raise the bar.
“If he doesn’t have a car, he is not ready.”
“If he is still hustling, I can’t build with him.”
“If he is not spending, he is wasting my time.”
But where does that leave men who are building?
Men who are planning, saving, sacrificing?
Yinka, a tech guy in Lekki, says the pressure pushed him away from dating.
“I told a girl I was staying with my cousin to save for my own place. She laughed and asked how old I was. I just zoned out.”
Today’s heartbreak doesn’t always come from cheating, It comes from comparison.
From knowing your effort is invisible if it doesn’t shine. And the problem isn’t just money, It’s image.
A man may have peace, values, and vision but without the right packaging, he is ignored.
Still, not every woman is caught up in this trend.
Some want a partner, not a provider.
They believe in starting together and growing together.
But their voices are often drowned by the noise.
Ngozi, 28-year-old started dating her now-husband when he was a struggling photographer.
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They shared bills and made sacrifices.
Today, they run a media studio together.
“It wasn’t easy, but we believed in each other,” she said.
Many men says they now feel pressured to meet financial standards even before considering a relationship. At the same time, some women admit they wouldn’t date a man without a car or steady income.
In conclusion Today’s dating space is tense.
Men hide their reality to impress while women set standards they sometimes can’t meet.
Everyone chases perfection and wonders why it’s not working. Stability is good Comfort matters.
But when love becomes a checklist, something real gets lost.
Cars, money, and lifestyle are not the problem.
They just shouldn’t be the only things that matter.
Because love isn’t always about having it all.
Sometimes, it’s about building something real together.
And that choice, rare as it seems, still matters.